i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
