So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
