what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
