Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
