i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
