Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
