i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
