I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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