He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
