You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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