is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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