there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
