so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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