You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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