yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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