and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
