My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
