Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
