If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
