All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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