I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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