you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
