you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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