This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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