Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
