My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
