My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
