I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
