he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
