is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
