oh god the rape fog is back!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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