the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
