Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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