Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
