I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
