Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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