While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
