I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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