bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
