A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My balls are so social today.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
