I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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