All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
either way he was missing a nipple.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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