God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
