If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
