i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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