Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
