Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
