I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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