I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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