I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
