i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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