Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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