I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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