You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
